Toilet Training - What you might be doing wrong

One of the first messages we send to our toddlers that they are no longer the baby is the initiation of toilet training. Parents often struggle with determining if the child is "ready", rationalizing that girls are easier to train than boys, and that putting a child in pull ups is a great first step. While these are valid considerations there maybe some missteps you don't even realize you are making when getting that kid out of the diapers and on the bowl once and for all.

#1 : Do you change your child's diaper/pull up lying down or standing up? - No lying down! Always standing up next to the toilet in the bathroom. Children need to understand their role in a situation and lying him/her down to be changed sends a very clear message, "You are still the baby, and mom/dad will do all the work". Changing him/her standing increases their awareness of what is going on.

#2: Do you still use a changing table? Lose it. Again it sends a message to the child that they are the "baby".

#3: Make time at home a diaper free zone. I know this inspires images of stained furniture and wet spots on floors. But this is toilet training folks and it ain't pretty. Of course when taking trips or while out in the community you want to eliminate disaster. But at home your child should be in underwear or nothing at all. No pull ups! Pull ups make your life easier but do not lend too much to a child's understanding that the toilet is the place to "handle their business". And if while at home an accident has happened, no biggie. Give your child a sponge or cloth so they can "help" clean. Have them remove their soiled clothing/underwear and place it in the sink to rinse out. This gives them responsibilities towards being successful with toliet training.

#4 If your child is using a potty you may need to consider whether your child is too big for it. Most potties are designed for a child who is just learning to walk. So if your child is over 20 lbs. a potty may be too small, putting their body in a position that would make elimination difficult. Also, you don't want them to associate elimination in a potty but rather in a toilet. There are no potties in parks, restaurants, or relatives homes and you want your child to see every toilet as an opportunity to relieve themselves.

#5 Leave the party favors for after the party. This refers to the parents bringing bubbles/snacks/toys/etc. into the bathroom to encourage the child to sit and eliminate. Save these types of items for after a successful elimination as a reward for doing so. A book/magazine is fine, but nothing more.

#6 Your child may want their privacy. Positioning yourself just outside the door or with your back turned facing away may make your child less anxious. Think about it, are you comfortable if someone is staring at you in that position, cheering "C'mon, do it for Mommy"?

#7 Adopt the 1 minute rule. If your child, once sitting on the toilet, has not eliminated after 1 minute, it's a wrap. Pull up the pants and go do something else for a bit. Try again in a few minutes. Any longer than one minute and a child may lose sight of why they are sitting there to begin with.

These are practices that have been employed with the many families I have worked with and they have made a difference for them. The best practices are the most practical ones.