The Kid Won't Eat!

Picky Eaters – the term conjures images of pursed lipped toddlers with a spoon pressed to their mouths. Or the pouting child in front of his/her plate of untouched vegetables. It can wear on a parent’s patience to prepare a perfectly acceptable and palatable meal for the family only to have your child refuse to eat it.

First it is important to distinguish a “picky eater” from a child with genuine feeding issues. Feeding issues involve poor coordination of the mouth muscles making swallowing/biting/chewing difficult for a child. If you have concerns of this nature, please seek out a proper evaluation through your local educational system or consult your pediatrician.

What we are addressing here is your child’s avoidant behaviors during meal times. Whether the issue is finishing their food or eating a particular food there are some strategies you can adopt to make meal times a pleasurable daily routine.

#1 Eating together/Cooking together – Many families have difficulty finding time to sit down and eat together on a daily basis, but it is an important learning experience for your child. Turn off the TV/Phones/Computers and take a few minutes to sit together at a table to enjoy a meal or a snack. If doing so daily feels impossible designate 1-2 nights a week where this is the routine of the household. Additionally making your little one part of the food preparation gets their taste buds going and increases their motivation to taste what they are “making”. Even a child as young as 2 years old can be of some “help”. Give them opportunities to mix, shake, knead, pour, scoop.

#2 What You See Is What You Get – Do you find yourself preparing an alternative meal for your “picky eater”? Stop doing this. When your child refuses to eat what you have prepared, then they don’t eat. If you behave like a short order cook your child will treat you like one. Your child will not starve. If meal time is over and that plate of food is still being glared at by your child, untouched, stay cool, slap some foil on it and tell them to let you know when they are feeling hungry. Guess what’s on the menu….

#3 Don’t Be a Hypocrite – Take a look at your plate. Did you eat everything or are your vegetables getting pretty cold hiding under that napkin? Practice-what-you-preach goes a long way when your child is testing the limits. Have your child see you eating the foods they tend to avoid during and outside of meal times.

#4 Don’t Be Sneaky – A technique that I have heard of is hiding non-preferred foods in a preferred food: mixing veggies into mashed potatoes, hiding chunks of fruit inside yogurt. Entire cookbooks have been developed such as Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. Here is the problem with this. Children don’t like to be tricked and when you try to do so it breaks down the trust between parent and child. Also, you may have now turned that preferred food into a non-preferred food. The next time they get mashed potatoes they might assume you are trying to trick them again. If you are going to try mixing the preferred and non-preferred foods make your child part of the process, having them do the mixing. Or as they watch you do it, explain to them what you are doing “Mmmm this yogurt is yummy. Look, I’m putting in some grapes and apples. Can you mix that up? Can you fish the apple chuck out of your yogurt?” This type of dialogue communicates to your child that you are not trying to fool them. Remember if you are going to be sneaky don’t be so surprised when your child behaves the same way.

#5 Let’s Make A Deal – Have an arsenal of potential reinforcers to deliver to your child besides the obvious offering of dessert. Take some time to observe what your child would rather be doing instead of eating. Most children would be happy to tell you if asked. Maybe its watching a movie, playing a board/video game, or some rough and tumble playtime. Make a deal with your child. Determine the amount of food you want them to eat and put your offer on the table, so to speak.

#6 Simplify Your Demands – Avoid trying to combat portion consumption with introducing a non-preferred food. Address each issue at separate mealtimes. If the child avoids a certain food accept their gradual acceptance of it by introducing a small amount of it along with a greatly preferred food (don’t hide it!). For each taste of the non-preferred they get some of their preferred. If you are concerned that your child seems to have no appetite for much of anything most likely they are fine, but consult with your pediatrician. If they take a couple of bites then want to leave the table, remind them of your “deal”. If they aren’t willing to sit make sure that you have minimized access to their favorite activities.

I’d like to emphasize that if you are concerned with your child’s speech development and they are also displaying difficulty during meal times you should have him/her evaluated. Aside from that, meal times require structure and boundaries in order for them to run smoothly. Determine what meal time structure works best for your family’s lifestyle. Respect the fact that your child is “picky” but don’t allow their eating habits to change yours.