The Honest Parent - Serving Truth to Our Youngins'

Children are fantastic lie detectors. They know when you are "faking the funk" even if it isn't always obvious. As adults we want to protect our spawn from so much whether its why that policeman pulled mommy over or why mom and dad were arguing. I revert to an episode of The Cosby Show that has always resonated with me. The line went as follows: "Imagine your favorite meal, filet mengion, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, all perfectly prepared. Now imagine it served on a dirty trash can lid. Not as appetizing, is it?" Before we became "parents" we were "human beings", not these entities of positivity and light we struggle to be on a daily basis. So why is it that we "fake it" with our children? Maybe its because we don't want them to see us vulnerable. Maybe its because we aren't willing to accept our own shortcomings. But the reality is in some way or another, they know.

I always swore, even while my son was in utero, that if he was old enough to ask the question, he was old enough to hear the answer. I still abide by this but it really is all in the "delivery". Children do not like to be tricked or lied to or blind sided. As adults, we aren't keen on such actions either. Our lives are beautifly imperfect, filled with a spectrum of emotion. When we mask that from our children it is merely in vain. To one degree or another, our children know when something is off. The most important component of your next step is honesty, delivered in an appetizing fashion. Reflect on your own experiences. Think of all the "stuff" you dealt with growing up and ask yourself if you ever wished they-could-have-just-done-that-differently.

The ability to let your child see that it's ok to get angry but better to get control of yourself; to let your child hear verbally why you are in a bad mood; to explain to them why you just raised your voice and completely freaked out is a kind of honesty they can and want to understand.This is not an invitation to make your child your therapist. This too can happen. What is imperative to your child's development is the modeling of appropriate behavior. Pure and simple. You do not have to be this epic, picture of parenthood.Maybe you feel that you just need to be that way in front of your kids as much as you possibly can. It's a nice idea but if we don't display honesty in our communication with them, how can we fault them from doing the same to us?